Covid Delta Variant vs The Jordans

      On July 31, four days after visiting a friend, she texted me that her son and she had gotten positive tests for Covid. I was at dinner with 6 friends. I texted Ken to let him know the kids needed to stay at the house and I put my mask on my face. Fortunately, only one of the six friends ended up catching this wretched virus. She's fine. We all made it! I am sharing my journey to chronicle it for myself as well as share with those of you who may tune in to my thoughts closet. 

    Saturday, August 1, I started feeling a little tired and groggy. I have those days sometimes, so nothing stood out specifically. Sunday, I stayed at home from church because I knew we had been exposed and now needed to know if we were sick. It was another day in bed but my hips were on fire!! They burned so badly! Nothing helped but standing up and it came in waves. That night, into Sunday morning, about 4 am, my hips were burning so badly that I had to pace my house for the next hour.  The lack of sleep started to play into my feeling worse. On Monday, I had my daughter drive me to the urgent care so that I could get a test for Covid. I was a little too dizzy and tired to drive myself. I was supposed to go back to work from a week of vacation on Tuesday and I didn't want to go if I was sick with Covid. I work with the public and I knew that I couldn't go if I had a positive test. The nurse doing th test said that if it was positive, "Good luck and go to the ER if I couldn't breathe." What kind of health care is that?? I received a text shortly after that said my test was positive. And the journey began.

    To be honest, I thought I'd just be bored for the next two weeks. I was expecting to have a fever and feel puny, but not lose two weeks of my life.  

 Originally written 9/9/21

Update: March 1,2023

I don't even remember writing this. So clearly my brains had not fully returned. I ended up being quite beat up by Covid.  my oxygen was at 80 for nearly a full week!! I couldn't even raise my hands to my head. I am grateful that I survived and was able to fully heal. My hair fell out in mass amounts. It looked like I had had chemo. I ended cutting all my hair off and pleading the blood of Jesus over all of my follicles! My hair grew back, though it took about a year, and it came back super super curly!

Psalm 40 Study

Everything flows from the spirit to the natural and back to the spirit!

         Today I spent some time writing and I had an aha moment that I am still just flabbergasted by! I think that I could teach a years worth of revelations by the time I finish this book. Hopefully, I will get the chance to do something along those lines but for now, I will share in my humble little unknown blog post space. 

        If you have ever been around me any length of time, surely you have heard me say that everything starts in the spirit, plays out in the natural and ends in the spirit. You can take anything. Our lives. Our very births. We were in the spirit before God began to form our physical bodies in our mother's womb and when we die, we will be spiritual beings again. Our spirit is the only part of us that is eternal. Spirit, natural, spirit.

        Addiction is another example. Typically, addiction starts with a trauma or some issue that the person has been violated. These types of situations open us up to have our minds played with by demonic forces. Once we are outside of the womb, we are vulnerable to the evil forces in the world. So when the trauma or violation happens, if we do not have spiritual protection, our spirits can become weak and then once we hit a certain age, we will begin to numb the pain on the inside. It often starts as a good time. Having fun with friends but then...then the spirit is captured by the spirit of addiction. Once this happens, there is a shift in the person. It is like they are possessed, and well, they are. They are possessed by the spirit of addiction. It often takes years and years and years before healing begins at a certain level. Some never make it. So we have the trauma, which affects the spirit. Then the addiction that is playing out in the flesh. Then we have recovery or death, which go back to the spirit. Death is obviously a spiritual principle. What about recovery? How is that spiritual? I bet you can ask 100% of recovered addicts if they had to acknowledge something greater than themselves has control of this crazy thing we call life and they would answer yes. Recovery is a constant search for uprooting the trauma or violation and then recognizing you don't have control and that you can release the trauma or violation. Spirit, natural, spirit.

        Marital affairs are the same principle. In my experience, there isn't anyone that has had an affair that didn't start with an insecurity that the Devil played on. The spiritual issue is the insecurity brought on by many reasons. Maybe it was bullying in high school and then the person becomes successful, but in their heart, they are always still less than and there is no such thing as enough. Maybe it's the pride that needs to constantly be fed. Maybe it's neglect from a spouse. There is always an open door if we aren't protected by the Holy Spirit!! So the thoughts begin. It may take years before someone gives in. The conscience is a powerful force and will usually do it's best to guard the mind gate. Unfortunately, it's more like a fence than a stronghold. Fences can be overcome. Eventually, if the other party is enticing enough or the person is just in a low place, compromise happens. This is when the spiritual insecurity or spiritual issue is being played out in the flesh. To rectify this issue, there is always a wake of damage in sin. There will be a divorce or a broken marriage that is fighting for everything it has. To forgive that kind of a slight, that kind of betrayal, it takes a power greater than yourself. Spirit, nautral, spirit. 

        There are plenty of examples in life. These are just a few that I think people can see the strong connection to. Marriage, children, hobbies, written books, suicide, abortion...there are so many things because everything starts in the spirit, plays out in the natural and ends in the spirit. 

    The cross is another great example. Jesus came to bring us redemption. The cross started long before it actually happened. It was prophesied throughout the Old Testament multiple times.  The Holy Spirit had revealed it over and over again long before it ever happened. Then Jesus was born and lived here on earth. Then he sacrificed himself for the redemption of all human kind. I could give so many examples in the Bible of spirit, natural, spirit. But the MAN of Jesus is where I got derailed today in this most beautiful revelation. 

        Jesus. My mind was absolutely blown when I realized today that he, himself, is the epitome of spirit, natural, spirit. See, Jesus was The Word of God. He was in the very beginning at creation and all throughout. He was long before he was. Being The Word of God made him so active on this earth. It was by Word that all of this was established. Then HE CAME HERE! He didn't come IN spirit form!! He CAME AS MAN!! AS A BABY NONE THE LESS!! Like...he was BIRTHED just like all spirit principles are!!! He came in human form to play out that everything that happens starts in the spirit and plays out in the natural and then ends in the spirit. Because Satan defied God and was sent here, he has the ability to mess with the natural though he doesn't have the ability to BECOME natural. That is reserved for THE CREATOR! That is reserved for The Trinity alone!! Satan has no actual power. He only has deception. If he can deceive, he can corrupt, so JESUS CAME in human form to be able to wreck the spirit world. See, if the principle is spirit, natural, spirit, then Jesus HAD to come to stay within the bounds of the principle. If he had usurped that principle, then he would've changed the dynamic for us as humans. Instead, he honored what He as THE WORD had set into place. He held the boundaries!! 

        It get BETTER!! THEN HE DIED!!!!!!!!! It's the BEST FREAKIN' NEWS ON THE PLANET...HECK IN ALL OF EXISTENCE!! Because what he did, allowed him to defeat the spirit principle of Death and Hades!! That's why the Bible says,"O Death, where is your sting?!" Because prior to Jesus coming and defeating that spiritual principle, we were so subject to it without any hope and confidence of what it held for us. Because Jesus left his natural body the SAME way we leave the body, he opened a place for us that had never been available and never opened before!! Now he is SPIRIT again. Our advocate in the heavenlies. He completely understands our prones and he understands what we face in truest form so that we have our greatest advocate in the spirit! So when we become spirit again, we have our advocate right there with us. 

        Jesus, the God head, man, advocate, brother, Son of God, is the epitome of Spirit playing out in the natural and returning to spirit. I am just in awe and so humbled by this revelation. 

If you'd like to have a conversation about this, I'd be happy to do so. If you would like to work on anything in your life, that is playing out in the natural and you are struggling with it, please let me know. IF I feel it is out of my realm of conversation, I will be glad to point you in the direction of someone who may can help.

5 husbands indeed...

In the Spring, I started a journey with the woman at the well that sparked so much inside of me.  I kept going back to the scripture of her story and I kept mulling it over in my head.  Something wasn't sitting right with me.  All the times I had heard her story being taught, it seemed legit that she was scandalous and we like scandalous women.  But I don't think this woman was scandalous at all.  She was broken.  Broken beyond the ability to see what was the point in love...what was the point in trusting men.  As I sat with that woman at the well, I met myself and a new vision of her.  
Her story is in John.  John 4:7-30 to be exact.  You are welcome to go read it but I'm going to paraphrase.  Jesus is hanging out at a well in the middle of the day...like the hottest part of the day.  And there was no Southern sweet tea and fans to pass the time.  It was hot and dusty and yucky.  And Jesus is hanging out by the well, which Jacob had dug, and I find that to be somewhat poetic since Jesus is in the lineage of Jacob. This Samaritan woman comes along, and Jesus, being a Jew, definitely wouldn't have had anything to do with her because there was a social system in order that said Samaritans were lesser than Jews.  But Jesus was always tearing down social norms and giving the structures men like to put in place a good ol' heave ho right out the window and this situation was no different, asked the woman for a drink.  Stunned, the woman bantered with Jesus about the water and being thirsty.  Jesus promised her that she could never be thirsty again and she indeed wanted that type of fulfillment.  Then Jesus asked her to go get her husband. She replied that she has no husband. Scandalous. Then Jesus says,"you're right.  You have had 5 husbands and the man you're living with isn't your husband." Scandalous. Or is she??
Sitting with this woman, I learned so much about her heart. See a woman back then who had 5 husbands and was living with a man most likely had suffered losses you and I can only imagine.  Divorce wasn't rampant then like it is today, it wasn't socially acceptable or common.  But mortality in those days was high and so I think that the woman probably lost 4 of those husbands to death.  4x a widow....4 times of investing your heart and it being ripped away in such final merciless ways. Then the 5th husband...well, she only most likely tried again because of shear survival.  Women had no rights and no way of taking care of themselves well in those times.  A man wants to own his woman and what woman who has faced widowhood over and over has anything left to give emotionally? So it would make sense for a 5th husband to kick her to the curb and divorce her. She wasn't scandalous, she was broken.  
         She went at noon day instead of early morning with the other women. Scandalous. I have always heard it was because of her shame.  Shame.  Ha!! Maybe she was just siiiiiiiiick and tiiiiiiiiired of alllllllll the other married chicks hen pecking about their prefect little lives and their happy marriages and how their husbands were this and that.  Maybe she just didn't want to listen to the banter of women, who walked around cluelessly at how much the heart can break.  Maybe she just needed the quiet. Maybe she just needed the chance to meet the Savior. She wasn't scandalous, she was broken.
         And I notice that Jesus never once says anything about sinning.  He never told her to go and sin no more like he did the adulterous woman.  He never told her to turn from her ways or stop what she was doing.  He only gave her HOPE.  He only promised her a drink from a Well that would give her life and she would never need more.  Life.  What she needed was life and a refreshened hope that there was more to this dried up place.  She wasn't scandalous.  She was no longer broken. She had met the Christ and knew that there was hope.

Time flies when you are riding on God's coat tails

I remember as a young girl being bored and feeling like time took forever.  Days would drag on and boredom was my anthem.  I never liked it and I would go anywhere or do anything to avoid the drudgery. I guess I should've appreciated those quiet boring days a bit more because they seem to be such a distance memory for me these days.  Like...I remember that I used to have time to do silly things like deep clean my house or read a book in its entirety.  I used to be able to dream up more things to do because I didn't have enough to do.  Shut! I had 3 kids before I thought I could be a stay at home mom and not get bored.  Maybe I just have more energy and gusto than the average person, maybe I'm just too intense.  I don't know.  But God does and he has been happy to oblige in filling my life to the brim and maybe even to overflowing. 

I remember, it must've been 2008 or 2009, God told me to enjoy my rest because it was coming to an end.  I really didn't understand that concept because, well, I had never experienced a season that was so full rest would be illusive.  I remember it clearly, but never really pondered what He might mean by that.  Here I sit, 8-9 years later and I'm like the fat kid on the motorcycle screaming," SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOW DOOOOOOOOOOWN!" Hahaha! Cannoli! God wasn't kidding that my time of rest would come to an end.  I don't mean lack of peaceful sleep at night, though those moments have been readily available as well. I mean that life is soooo intense and sooo in your face that truly, there is no rest.  Each day is filled to the brim and maxed out that there is very little time to think or do anything else.  I have had friendships suffer and I have suffered and my kids have suffered, but praise God we have all survived!! 

The beautiful news is that in this filled to the brim life and days, I see the grace and mercy of God free flowing like a wellspring of life.  He is walking it with me and teaching me and training me and loving me and growing me in so many beautiful ways that I don't think for one second, I would choose to have restful days over these intense ones.  God is challenging me to my core of what I believe and Who I believe and how I believe and why I believe.  If there has been no other time in my life that I have ever loved God so intensely, now is my time.  Now is my time to live what the Bible has taught me.  To face my Garden of Gethsemene and sweat out my pleas as I pour out all who I am to Him and that it may be a sweet frangrance unto Him.  

I have recently felt that God told me there will soon be a time of peace for me.  This season of intensity beyond measure will subside and I will never be the same.  I will be stronger and more appreciative of the rest and peace.  I will draw from it, too, the beauty that God will reveal but I will always find this time in the smelter of God as a powerful and beautiful journey.  I have met intense happiness and intense grief in this time and it is kind of interesting that happiness doesn't seem to stick around as much as grief.  Grief seems to be more of a state of being in human form and my spirit experiences divine joy, and in that joy is where the beauty of grief lies. 

Time flies riding on God's coat tails. 

The hot topic of politics!!

This isn't really a post on what I think or believe about politics as much as it is a small note of encouragement in this crazy political time of a new presidential election.  I think many Americans are nervous about who and what and how and I think it is warranted worry.  However, I know a King who is much greater and much more capable and much more willing to carry the weight of this world…not just this nation.  We can trust Him even when we feel we can't trust anything around us.

I wonder, a bit, if our fear isn't more an issue of our comfort than our journey of salvation.  We have been very protected in this country as Christians, but I would like to remind everyone that we have an enemy that is out to steal, kill and destroy us.  Satan is beginning to be the leading force in our world.  We can look at the amount of murders, sexual slavery and assaults, abuse of children and animals and not to mention that more people seem to desire things that are called "evil." I remember a time that if something was named "evil empire" that it would have only had the underdog of underdogs there and it would be the same people over and over.  Now, it is mainstream.  People wearing the shirts and promoting the business as cool.  We need to be more aware that we are comfortable than fearing the things that make us uncomfortable.

So, no matter what happens this November.  Stand strong.  Keep your head up.  Greater is He who is in you than he that is in the world.  We do not have to fear as Christians.  We need to be wise as serpents and gentle as lambs.  We need to let the Holy Spirit guide us each and every day so that we know that our next move is His move. Be encouraged that Jesus will come and get us and if we die in the mean time…we still WIN!!  :)

Do I still believe in A Dose of Reality?

I wrote a Dose of Reality about 5-6 years ago.  It was published a little over 4 years ago. Why am I just now doing anything to try and get it's message out there? Because I believe more in the principles of it today than maybe I did even 4 years ago.
I'd like you to venture down the road of hellashish trial and tribulations that I've faced in the last 4 years.  It has been blessing and complete trauma on equal dramatic pendulum swings of extreme. In Dec of 2011, Jay and I were working up to 16 hour days everyday to try and get Beauty for Ashes Salon and Colorbar open by Jan 3, 2012.  During that time, my children were just functioning along with us and my daughter grew about 3 sizes in what seemed like a months time. We opened the salon Jan 3 to a slammed appointment book. Yay for business but it made it very hard for me to focus on my new baby business.  I was business scammed in the first month for a $1000 which created a whole new issue of having to close all my business accounts reopen them, change my payment info for each company I did business with.  I moved into the salon fully staffed of 7 people and within the first 3 months, 3 left, leaving us shorthanded.  Jay and I took our first vacation in about 4 years to the beach with the kids in March.  While we were at the beach microwaving our children (Nyah's face swelled shut for 3 days! I needed frankincense but didn't know about it at the time!), the public school my children attended called DHR on us claiming we didn't provide clean clothes for our children. HAHAHAHA! We look like this and that's the best you can come up with?? It was really retaliation against us for making a complaint against them, but talk about ruining a vacation! I was completely devastated.  So when we got home from our little vacation, we had to set up an appointment with DHR.  God totally took care of us and they told us that we wouldn't hear from them again.  The social worker that came out was super kind. More stress.
In April of 2012 (if you go back a read my blog, you will see where I prophesied Rebekah joining us), I got pregnant with baby #4. Yay, but in my first year of business? Good timing God! In November at 36 weeks pregnant, my back went out completely.  By the time I made it to the hospital, my body was basically in shock from the trauma. They had to do a non-magnetic MRI and found out that my discs had ruptured and were compressing my nerves to the entire lower half of my body.  I had to use a walker for the rest of my pregnancy to help hold my back up and so that I wouldn't fall and become paralyzed. They gave me an epidural block to hopefully get me through til I had the baby.  I got out of the hospital on Tues, Wednesday my precious grandmother died and Thursday was Thanksgiving. Friday my busiest stylist threatened to quit on me because she had to work Black Friday. More stress.
I had Rebekah naturally on Dec 31, 2012.  It was my first natural labor and though it was awesome in many ways, I had some mental trauma due to not knowing what to expect.  One week later, Jay's sister in law died of cancer. His brother needed him, so did I. More stress.
In April 2013, my epidural wore off and I was unable to walk again.  In May, I went to see my neurosurgeon, who after 5 minutes of looking at me, demanded we do emergency surgery. That day. As soon as he could get a room. OH NO! I'm on my way to work.... But instead I had to call Jay and tell him to bring the baby so I could nurse her because she had never taken a bottle but I was about to be unavailable.  I was crying and terrified.  I had never had any sort of surgery and much less my back slit open for someone to mess with my spine. I had to come off of any pain meds 3 days after my surgery because it dried up my breastmilk.  I'm still not sure how I did that but Boswellia is amazing. I had to go back to work 2 weeks later because I had 2 stylists leave while I was getting surgery. More stress!
In the fall of 2013, we started our adventure into homeschooling.  My body was in complete meltdown and I was not doing well.  Jay and I had decided to get a divorce because we no longer had it in us to be married.  I was a miserable human being. He was miserable and we hated each other. People kept asking me if I was pregnant and I said,"No. Just still fat from the last one." But right after New Year 2014, lo and behold, I was pregnant with baby #5! (I am now Wyle E Coyote waving my white flag of utter defeat) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? ANOTHER BABY! I was 31 weeks pregnant at my first maternity appointment.  Not only did I not know I was pregnant, but I had no time to mentally prepare for another baby...and my marriage was falling apart. More stress!
In April 2014, we welcomed baby Shiloh.  She was a sweet little addition to our family.  My natural labor with her was not traumatizing and I healed well. I was back at work 4 weeks later. In October 2014, the Holy Spirit radically moved in and began to completely heal our marriage.  We were enjoying each other more than we had in many years.
In December 2014, Jay died, in front of me, in our bedroom. Are you kidding me?? We just started liking each other! We were just getting to a new place of peace.  We were at a new beginning and about to turn the page on the last few years of complete trauma. We had conquered this marriage thing for a decade.  Devastation beyond what I have ever known!
In 2 days it was 2015 and the hardest year of my entire adult life. I was now a widow with 5 children, 3 who homeschool and a business that I work and own. I could barely complete a full sentence and tears just streamed down my face for about the first 8 months. More stress!
In all this time, through all these things, I never depended on anything but God to make it through.  I am not strong but I serve a strong God.  I am not super but I serve a super God.  I know the weight of the consequences of raising a generation to depend on drugs to fix the hard places and mend our hearts and it isn't worth the cost! I know that when things are so hard and you don't see an end, it seems like it would be the perfect time to get "a little help." My friend, please do not buy the lie! Do not let them win your heart and your family by selling you an easier way.  There is no easy way to make it through hard things.  You must walk one long step at a time.  You must seek God's face and let His divine peace guide you.  Jesus came that we may have life and have it abundantly! Let him work for you!
YES! I still believe in A Dose of Reality. Purchase my book A Dose of Reality to help you on your journey.  I hope it encourages you and that you will come to a new place of fullness in Christ. I share this story for you so that you know, that I understand hardships and wanting to give up. Jesus is fully sufficient for all your trials and tribulations.  Grace will carry you to new places and in the midst, your weakness opens a beautiful place for God's strength to shine through.  Let Him shine! I will encourage you through your journey! Find me on Facebook. :)