Today started all wrong with my kids being late to school...again....because I didn't set my alarm to wake up my husband...who is supposed to get the kids up and off to school. Then we got into a big huge fight. The kids got extremely upset at that point because they hate it when we fight. This time change has my sleeping completely screwed up and so I can't go to sleep at a regular time and I find myself fighting to wake up. I, then, get a text from a stylist at work telling me that she needs to move back to her original part of town and this comes at the same time that my receptionist quits. ALL right in time for me to try and go on a vacation that I haven't had in 2 yrs with my family; who hasn't had a vacation in 2 yrs. I mean, couldn't they have at least had the freakin' courtesy to wait til my vacation was completed....cause heaven knows they all had to take vacation at the same time at the beginning of this year. I'm a little bit pissed off about it and think that they are extremely selfish. Praise God I was slammed all day, but I didn't get to eat, so I was absolutely starving and had to go to class, so I had a smoothie and a few crackers...til I got home and stuffed my face which isn't very wise. My precious son got a message sent home with his teacher who said she needs an urgent parent meeting with me because of his ongoing troublesome behavior, which I partially understand and partially am completely annoyed by! And to top it off, my husband thinks that he might have had a seizure today, which of course he won't do anything about. He won't stop smoking, he won't stop drinking soda like its water, he won't eat healthier, he won't...that's the story...he won't and I am horribly frustrated by it!
So my today has left me with a feeling of utter and complete frustration and a sense of life overwhelming. I know that things will get better and I know that today will not be my tomorrow...but for today I am completely wishing that I could drink some wine and hide on a beach all by myself and pretend that life was a beach.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
People Let you Down
I have been perplexed for a while on all the many ways people can let you down. It seems almost that no matter which way you turn, no matter how desperate you are or how absolutely on top of the mountain you are, people do not do what you want them to do or they just straight up let you down.
The people in my life that have let me down are countless. My parents, my friends, my church, my boyfriends, my husbands, my children...but then I think to myself, how many people have I let down?
I am not thoughtful. I am not one to send cards and scream Happy Birthday from the mountaintops. I have let my parents down, my friends, my church, my boyfriends, my husbands, and my children.
The name of this game is forgiveness. Letting people let you down without you holding it against them is one of the hardest things to do. One of my favorite lines in a book I read is, "Love is the grace to be and the room to become." I am working on that with my husband in particular. I used to hate people for letting me down, and to be honest, it is still hard. Sometimes harder to get over than others, and those times I can viciously attack in my mind....who will inevitably play tricks on me and make things more blown out of proportion than they are. Reigning in my mind is always a journey, but a necessary one. My mind is what, after all, that allows me to let others down; being selfish and self centered. I seek to no longer allow myself to let others let me down and just know that they are on their own journey of seeking life and walking through and they aren't particularly interested in whether I feel let down by them. I want grace to soak my mind like a wet sponge so that I never want to walk away from others...regardless of it they let me down.
The people in my life that have let me down are countless. My parents, my friends, my church, my boyfriends, my husbands, my children...but then I think to myself, how many people have I let down?
I am not thoughtful. I am not one to send cards and scream Happy Birthday from the mountaintops. I have let my parents down, my friends, my church, my boyfriends, my husbands, and my children.
The name of this game is forgiveness. Letting people let you down without you holding it against them is one of the hardest things to do. One of my favorite lines in a book I read is, "Love is the grace to be and the room to become." I am working on that with my husband in particular. I used to hate people for letting me down, and to be honest, it is still hard. Sometimes harder to get over than others, and those times I can viciously attack in my mind....who will inevitably play tricks on me and make things more blown out of proportion than they are. Reigning in my mind is always a journey, but a necessary one. My mind is what, after all, that allows me to let others down; being selfish and self centered. I seek to no longer allow myself to let others let me down and just know that they are on their own journey of seeking life and walking through and they aren't particularly interested in whether I feel let down by them. I want grace to soak my mind like a wet sponge so that I never want to walk away from others...regardless of it they let me down.
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