Growing up I always romanticized the "ride or die" relationship. My first obsession was Syd and Nancy (I'm sure we could psycho analyze that with some serious issues. :) ) I loved "Thelma and Louise" and pretty much all the other relationships that had the "me and you against the world" theme. In my heart I wanted someone to love me enough that no matter how hard, how ugly, how impossible the situation was, they would never ever leave me. I longed to know that when I felt the world crumble around me, there was that ONE person who would make it all better.
It seemed that all the relationships in my life failed at this consistently. My father died, my friends wavered, my ex-husband violated covenant, and then Jay…well, he died too. It wasn't that any of them were "ride or die" folks, it was that they couldn't be who I needed. EVER. Not one of these people were capable of fulfilling my need for "come hell or high water, we are sticking this out together" because they were just as prone to falling or breaking as I am. They are fallible.
I do have a "ride or die" relationship though. It's with Jesus Christ. I have never been alone in any one second of any trial I have ever faced. I have had grace to fall and be caught. I have had mercy to be delivered from serious consequences that could have wrecked my life. I have been given peace where no peace would've ever been found. I have been given life in the middle of the valley of the shadow of death. I have been given restoration to a heart that was broken by seeking a "ride or die" outside of Jesus. I am thankful and in awe that He is willing to walk every place my heart, mind, body and spirit travel.
So, to whomever I journey this next chapter of my life with. You are off the hook! I am praying for you; for your heart, mind, body and spirit. You do not have to "ride or die" with me but please "ride or die" with Jesus!
Friday, October 23, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
Air balloons and Affairs
What could air balloons and affairs possibly have to do with each other? I know it sounds silly…but I am going to attempt to explain my revelation and hope that maybe, just maybe, it will challenge you in this journey.
Let me tell you about air balloons. We all have a role to play in this little allegory. We are either: the balloon, flame, or anchor. The balloon represents the dreamers, the entrepreneurs, the wild ones. The flame represents the ones who can follow through and lead strongly, the risk takers who weigh things out well, the fiery ones able to captivate a balloon. The anchor represents the cornerstones. The ones who will never change if they don't have to and can continue to do the same things year after year without being bored. Each element is important in different ways. There are complimentary parts and excruciatingly painful differences. If a balloon and a flame marry, well, most likely there will be a long standing sense of adventure that is very satisfying. If 2 air balloons marry, who's leading? If there are 2 anchors, they will possibly be happy together in their consistency with little change in their future.
But…if an air balloon marries an anchor, there is sure to be disaster ahead! The gigantic scarlet A lies in wait for the victim of…boredom; complacency; death to dreams! The air balloon is a dreamer and must have their dreams fed with fire. When a couple first meets, dreaming is a natural state to that relationship. What will the future look like? How many kids? Big dreams on living arrangements and the air balloon is soaring higher and higher and feels excited and compelled and most likely can't get enough of the flame lapping away inside the air ballon's dreams…but then one day, the anchor settles. The air balloon is ok with standing still long enough to get ready for the next adventure. The air balloon anticipates the continued journey through life with new views and perspectives and scenery that challenges and paints the eye with an array of images so stimulating that the air balloon is lost in the amazement. BUT the anchor has no intention on going anywhere…maybe ever. Maybe. But maybe not. In time, the air balloon flat and uninspired begins to look desperately for a flame that will make it rise to it's former beauty. Desperate, the air balloon will go to dark places, the places where affairs happen and steal your dreams and hopes and futures looking for the adventure that it was created for. It's beauty, of course, never shines more vibrantly than when it is fully inflated by fire.
Never quit dreaming! Never quit feeding the flame of adventure. Let your spouse be your place of comfort and your home. Never make a physical place become more important or critical than the person that you vowed to make first forever.
Let me tell you about air balloons. We all have a role to play in this little allegory. We are either: the balloon, flame, or anchor. The balloon represents the dreamers, the entrepreneurs, the wild ones. The flame represents the ones who can follow through and lead strongly, the risk takers who weigh things out well, the fiery ones able to captivate a balloon. The anchor represents the cornerstones. The ones who will never change if they don't have to and can continue to do the same things year after year without being bored. Each element is important in different ways. There are complimentary parts and excruciatingly painful differences. If a balloon and a flame marry, well, most likely there will be a long standing sense of adventure that is very satisfying. If 2 air balloons marry, who's leading? If there are 2 anchors, they will possibly be happy together in their consistency with little change in their future.
But…if an air balloon marries an anchor, there is sure to be disaster ahead! The gigantic scarlet A lies in wait for the victim of…boredom; complacency; death to dreams! The air balloon is a dreamer and must have their dreams fed with fire. When a couple first meets, dreaming is a natural state to that relationship. What will the future look like? How many kids? Big dreams on living arrangements and the air balloon is soaring higher and higher and feels excited and compelled and most likely can't get enough of the flame lapping away inside the air ballon's dreams…but then one day, the anchor settles. The air balloon is ok with standing still long enough to get ready for the next adventure. The air balloon anticipates the continued journey through life with new views and perspectives and scenery that challenges and paints the eye with an array of images so stimulating that the air balloon is lost in the amazement. BUT the anchor has no intention on going anywhere…maybe ever. Maybe. But maybe not. In time, the air balloon flat and uninspired begins to look desperately for a flame that will make it rise to it's former beauty. Desperate, the air balloon will go to dark places, the places where affairs happen and steal your dreams and hopes and futures looking for the adventure that it was created for. It's beauty, of course, never shines more vibrantly than when it is fully inflated by fire.
Never quit dreaming! Never quit feeding the flame of adventure. Let your spouse be your place of comfort and your home. Never make a physical place become more important or critical than the person that you vowed to make first forever.
Monday, October 5, 2015
Acceptance is an Illusion
I am participating in a Grief Share support group to help me map this insane mind screw called grief. It has helped me so much make sense of the crazy in this Valley of the Shadow of Death. As I toddled through my brain tonight, listening, attempting to link the fragments of my heart and mind to the truth that I know is there…acceptance reared it's ugly head. Acceptance. A.C.C.E.P.T.A.N.C.E. Huh. ?
Well, let's see. Once, maybe not so long ago, when people died, that was it. They were dead. Gone. You didn't ever hear their voice again or see them moving around. There was no lingering of their essence to confuse the brain. All you had left were memories that faded with time and a dent in your heart where their name was etched. It was definitive. There was an end…a point to accept. But today...
I have videos, voicemails, pictures, Facebook, YouTube, and a variety of other mediums to keep him very much alive. It's how millions of people every year fall in love with Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley. Sure, there is no new record or movie. There isn't anything new to talk about…but the acceptance never really has to settle in because we have kept them alive through recordings. Sure, Jay wasn't famous and most people will never care about him but our quite substantially large family, but accepting that he is never going to been seen this side of heaven is hard. I will occasionally check his Facebook…nothing new. Check my voicemails…nothing new. I am thankful for those relics…I think. It can make the loss seem not so far away. It can make "acceptance" more of a variable than an absolute. Time will keep moving on and there will never be any new to Jay. He will always be 38 and too young to be dead. But more than anything, I hope that one day, I can delete, erase or let go of some of these things that keep him alive. Not because I have quit missing him or him loving his babies, but because I will have accepted that he is, indeed, dead. Gone. It is a gift and a curse to be able to have so much recorded of our loved ones. The gift is that they are alive in the memory and the curse is that they are alive in the memory even in death (I am not referring to a spiritual issue). I have accepted that I am no longer married. I have accepted that things have changed. I have accepted that he is dead…I think.
Well, let's see. Once, maybe not so long ago, when people died, that was it. They were dead. Gone. You didn't ever hear their voice again or see them moving around. There was no lingering of their essence to confuse the brain. All you had left were memories that faded with time and a dent in your heart where their name was etched. It was definitive. There was an end…a point to accept. But today...
I have videos, voicemails, pictures, Facebook, YouTube, and a variety of other mediums to keep him very much alive. It's how millions of people every year fall in love with Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley. Sure, there is no new record or movie. There isn't anything new to talk about…but the acceptance never really has to settle in because we have kept them alive through recordings. Sure, Jay wasn't famous and most people will never care about him but our quite substantially large family, but accepting that he is never going to been seen this side of heaven is hard. I will occasionally check his Facebook…nothing new. Check my voicemails…nothing new. I am thankful for those relics…I think. It can make the loss seem not so far away. It can make "acceptance" more of a variable than an absolute. Time will keep moving on and there will never be any new to Jay. He will always be 38 and too young to be dead. But more than anything, I hope that one day, I can delete, erase or let go of some of these things that keep him alive. Not because I have quit missing him or him loving his babies, but because I will have accepted that he is, indeed, dead. Gone. It is a gift and a curse to be able to have so much recorded of our loved ones. The gift is that they are alive in the memory and the curse is that they are alive in the memory even in death (I am not referring to a spiritual issue). I have accepted that I am no longer married. I have accepted that things have changed. I have accepted that he is dead…I think.
Friday, October 2, 2015
The wrong enemy
I watched a movie last night about the Vietnam War era. The "hippies" in the movie were hating on the soldiers. They would say slanderous things if the soldiers passed by. They were against the soldiers fighting for their freedom in the battle that they thought was pointless. Then a revelation came to one of the "hippie" girls as she fell in love with one of the soldiers that, indeed the soldier wasn't the enemy. The battle was the enemy and the soldiers were there to do the best they can and hopefully come out alive.
I have seen this same premise in the spiritual battleground. Sinners hating on the spiritual soldiers. The very people fighting for their freedom. The people with enough love and gall to call them out on their sin. The sinners will slander them and call them self righteous. Yet, the sinner is too chicken to go into battle for themselves and they are often wrapped up in a mess of life. The spiritual soldier sees that the battle is noble…even if it may seem pointless at the time. The spiritual soldier would rather die in the fight than sit around and question if they have made an impact, while the sinner would rather die in vain.
I know I have had times in my life where I was against the right person and defending the wrong person. I stood on shaky ground ready to defend myself from someone trying to love on me and help guide me off shaky ground. Thankfully, today I am standing on that solid ground and in the trenches of the battle with them. My life has never been more fulfilled, nor my purpose so great, as to fight along with my fellow spiritual soldiers in a battle that is raging for a war already won!
I have seen this same premise in the spiritual battleground. Sinners hating on the spiritual soldiers. The very people fighting for their freedom. The people with enough love and gall to call them out on their sin. The sinners will slander them and call them self righteous. Yet, the sinner is too chicken to go into battle for themselves and they are often wrapped up in a mess of life. The spiritual soldier sees that the battle is noble…even if it may seem pointless at the time. The spiritual soldier would rather die in the fight than sit around and question if they have made an impact, while the sinner would rather die in vain.
I know I have had times in my life where I was against the right person and defending the wrong person. I stood on shaky ground ready to defend myself from someone trying to love on me and help guide me off shaky ground. Thankfully, today I am standing on that solid ground and in the trenches of the battle with them. My life has never been more fulfilled, nor my purpose so great, as to fight along with my fellow spiritual soldiers in a battle that is raging for a war already won!
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