You married me with a little dude in tow that you took in as your own without one second thought. He was as precious to you as I was. Three weeks after we married we were pregnant with Nyah. You fell in love like you had never experienced. It was beautiful and you were willing to ride the journey along with me that God gave us to make lots of soldiers for Him. With each blessing, you fell more in love. Nyah, then Hammuel and then Rebekah (which you told me that I ruin everything by knowing already) so God threw us a complete surprise with Shiloh! You didn't speak for a week, which was unheard of from you! But we journeyed on with all these gifts. Your heart for loving your children always made me appreciate you, even when I didn't like you. You were a fabulous dad and your kids love you and miss you and honor you.
You were there through all the crazy things that I wanted to do. You always supported me and journeyed along with me. No matter how insane or out of the box or impossible it seemed, you helped me pull it off. God blessed us. He honored our work together. Every year of our marriage was a challenge!
We fought like crazy. Frankly, you were a complete asshole much of the time! You were Jay about so many things. Only someone who was intimate with you could appreciate how difficult that was to love. Greg told me the morning I called him about your death and he told me that I had managed to love a man that NO ONE else had ever been able to love, even his parents. How true that was and it was salve to my broken heart. You thought like no one that I had/have ever met. It was certainly Jesus who kept this crazy train together!! But you were as dedicated as I was, sometimes maybe more than I was.
You made so many cool things. You were an artist through and through and I think our artists hearts beat in a beautiful unison. Sometimes I think that the artwork was one of the uncompleted things in our relationship. You could fabricate anything. Your eye for detail and your out of the box thinking made for some awesome creations and Halloween costumes. The art that oozed from your being never ceased to amaze me and help me to appreciate you.
Your love for Christ and others taught me so much. I had never been around anyone that had such a raw relationship with Christ. You taught me how to see people for people and not for their presumed merit. You taught me to love in a new way. A deeper way. Your heart was that everyone could have a peace on this earth, full of torment and devastation, through Christ. It was beautiful to watch you love on people that no one else would have even looked at. I was always inspired by the way you loved.
For a while after you passed, I could still see you closely in the rearview mirror. It seemed like the kids and I were just moving forward and you were watching us go. But I can't look back and go forward. I rest in the fact that God had your days marked and YOU ARE COMPLETED. There is NOTHING undone here on this earth for you. I will let you go. You will never be forgotten…even with the good-bye. You will always be a presence that you made when you created legacies. I will honor God and keep my face toward Him. God didn't bring me into the Valley to leave me here unchanged and boy! if you only knew how much he has healed in my heart! As I walk out of the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I ponder this...
