Today started all wrong with my kids being late to school...again....because I didn't set my alarm to wake up my husband...who is supposed to get the kids up and off to school. Then we got into a big huge fight. The kids got extremely upset at that point because they hate it when we fight. This time change has my sleeping completely screwed up and so I can't go to sleep at a regular time and I find myself fighting to wake up. I, then, get a text from a stylist at work telling me that she needs to move back to her original part of town and this comes at the same time that my receptionist quits. ALL right in time for me to try and go on a vacation that I haven't had in 2 yrs with my family; who hasn't had a vacation in 2 yrs. I mean, couldn't they have at least had the freakin' courtesy to wait til my vacation was completed....cause heaven knows they all had to take vacation at the same time at the beginning of this year. I'm a little bit pissed off about it and think that they are extremely selfish. Praise God I was slammed all day, but I didn't get to eat, so I was absolutely starving and had to go to class, so I had a smoothie and a few crackers...til I got home and stuffed my face which isn't very wise. My precious son got a message sent home with his teacher who said she needs an urgent parent meeting with me because of his ongoing troublesome behavior, which I partially understand and partially am completely annoyed by! And to top it off, my husband thinks that he might have had a seizure today, which of course he won't do anything about. He won't stop smoking, he won't stop drinking soda like its water, he won't eat healthier, he won't...that's the story...he won't and I am horribly frustrated by it!
So my today has left me with a feeling of utter and complete frustration and a sense of life overwhelming. I know that things will get better and I know that today will not be my tomorrow...but for today I am completely wishing that I could drink some wine and hide on a beach all by myself and pretend that life was a beach.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
People Let you Down
I have been perplexed for a while on all the many ways people can let you down. It seems almost that no matter which way you turn, no matter how desperate you are or how absolutely on top of the mountain you are, people do not do what you want them to do or they just straight up let you down.
The people in my life that have let me down are countless. My parents, my friends, my church, my boyfriends, my husbands, my children...but then I think to myself, how many people have I let down?
I am not thoughtful. I am not one to send cards and scream Happy Birthday from the mountaintops. I have let my parents down, my friends, my church, my boyfriends, my husbands, and my children.
The name of this game is forgiveness. Letting people let you down without you holding it against them is one of the hardest things to do. One of my favorite lines in a book I read is, "Love is the grace to be and the room to become." I am working on that with my husband in particular. I used to hate people for letting me down, and to be honest, it is still hard. Sometimes harder to get over than others, and those times I can viciously attack in my mind....who will inevitably play tricks on me and make things more blown out of proportion than they are. Reigning in my mind is always a journey, but a necessary one. My mind is what, after all, that allows me to let others down; being selfish and self centered. I seek to no longer allow myself to let others let me down and just know that they are on their own journey of seeking life and walking through and they aren't particularly interested in whether I feel let down by them. I want grace to soak my mind like a wet sponge so that I never want to walk away from others...regardless of it they let me down.
The people in my life that have let me down are countless. My parents, my friends, my church, my boyfriends, my husbands, my children...but then I think to myself, how many people have I let down?
I am not thoughtful. I am not one to send cards and scream Happy Birthday from the mountaintops. I have let my parents down, my friends, my church, my boyfriends, my husbands, and my children.
The name of this game is forgiveness. Letting people let you down without you holding it against them is one of the hardest things to do. One of my favorite lines in a book I read is, "Love is the grace to be and the room to become." I am working on that with my husband in particular. I used to hate people for letting me down, and to be honest, it is still hard. Sometimes harder to get over than others, and those times I can viciously attack in my mind....who will inevitably play tricks on me and make things more blown out of proportion than they are. Reigning in my mind is always a journey, but a necessary one. My mind is what, after all, that allows me to let others down; being selfish and self centered. I seek to no longer allow myself to let others let me down and just know that they are on their own journey of seeking life and walking through and they aren't particularly interested in whether I feel let down by them. I want grace to soak my mind like a wet sponge so that I never want to walk away from others...regardless of it they let me down.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Political Rant...here goes!!
Our government was never meant to take care of us, sustain us or regulate us! It was never supposed to be bigger than us to the point it can violate our personal space and family. I am sickened at how the government can come in and take your children and not even have to offer an explanation before you are jumping through firey hoops to get them back. I don't think the government should have the power to take your land to build a road on it...isn't that the point of buying the property....you own it! But if it serves the "greater good" they just seize it...WHAT?? They can put you in jail if your kids miss too many days of school....oh now that's an asinine law...so your kids will be taken care of how? Maybe they should have different options like staggering hours for people who work night shifts or late hours...or people like us who just think 7 am is a ridiculously early hour. Putting someone in jail is effective for who exactly? JACKASSES!
Rid of slavery...are you kidding me?? The government just shifted slavery from private owned to government owned. Oh yes, I'm sure I'll piss some people off here, but if you are dependent on the government to take care of you...you are a slave to them. If they pay your paycheck or help you get food in your fridge, you are their slave. You can't make too much money cause they will take theirs from you, but you can't support the needs of your family on what you could get paid. The government employees corrupt the system and the higher ups make their pocketbooks bottomless, but min wage stays at a low enough rate that a mom couldn't support her family on and dad certainly couldn't take care of his family and let his wife stay home. Then the mom might home school and then the government wouldn't be able to be up in the family business to get a foothold if they wanted to come in and take the children. The vortex goes on and on!! But the government keeps the tax rate so dad gum high that the average small business owner can't afford to hire more employees even if they have positions to fill so min wage is low, taxes are high and everyone is just saying "OK."
The next slavery issue is prescription meds...foolishness!! If they can't pacify you with giving money for nothing, then they will try to pacify you with meds. This whole "zombie apocalypse" thing...it isn't about dead people who are brainless...its about live people who are brainless on drugs. People who are so distracted by their own need to fill they can't see past their own issue or face long enough to make a difference. Most of my friends have suffered drug addiction and its the worst thing in the world. Totally all consuming.
Now, I am not a conspiracy theorist and I don't have the idea that everything is the government's fault. I think that living in mass amounts of debt is personal responsibility and that you have made yourself a slave to those that you owe. I think debt is irresponsible spoiled childlike behavior and is a huge problem in this country. I also believe that drug addiction is personal responsibility...so if you think I am a hypocrite, let me clarify. I think that the government allows so many pharmaceuticals to be released so that seems like our only and best option when the doc prescribes it to us. (Read my book A Dose of Reality to hear more on this topic) I think it is personal responsibility to take the drugs or not. But dad gum, if your whole freakin' family is on drugs then it just seems normal.
The government wasn't meant to sustain us. There is no where in the Bible where God directs the government to take care of the poor. It is the church's responsibility. In Proverbs it does say that a king is wise to consider the station of the poor and defend them...but it isn't the governments place. That's why its not working. However, people aren't giving to the church so the church itself no longer has a store house to poor out of.
The governments place is to protect us as we live out our lives in freedom and pursuit of happiness!!
I hope that there will be a turn around for this big ship, but I'm afraid like the Titanic, a big ship and a small rudder heading straight for the proverbial ice burg. We are the Paris Hilton of nations and it will be a hard fall.
May God be with you!
Rid of slavery...are you kidding me?? The government just shifted slavery from private owned to government owned. Oh yes, I'm sure I'll piss some people off here, but if you are dependent on the government to take care of you...you are a slave to them. If they pay your paycheck or help you get food in your fridge, you are their slave. You can't make too much money cause they will take theirs from you, but you can't support the needs of your family on what you could get paid. The government employees corrupt the system and the higher ups make their pocketbooks bottomless, but min wage stays at a low enough rate that a mom couldn't support her family on and dad certainly couldn't take care of his family and let his wife stay home. Then the mom might home school and then the government wouldn't be able to be up in the family business to get a foothold if they wanted to come in and take the children. The vortex goes on and on!! But the government keeps the tax rate so dad gum high that the average small business owner can't afford to hire more employees even if they have positions to fill so min wage is low, taxes are high and everyone is just saying "OK."
The next slavery issue is prescription meds...foolishness!! If they can't pacify you with giving money for nothing, then they will try to pacify you with meds. This whole "zombie apocalypse" thing...it isn't about dead people who are brainless...its about live people who are brainless on drugs. People who are so distracted by their own need to fill they can't see past their own issue or face long enough to make a difference. Most of my friends have suffered drug addiction and its the worst thing in the world. Totally all consuming.
Now, I am not a conspiracy theorist and I don't have the idea that everything is the government's fault. I think that living in mass amounts of debt is personal responsibility and that you have made yourself a slave to those that you owe. I think debt is irresponsible spoiled childlike behavior and is a huge problem in this country. I also believe that drug addiction is personal responsibility...so if you think I am a hypocrite, let me clarify. I think that the government allows so many pharmaceuticals to be released so that seems like our only and best option when the doc prescribes it to us. (Read my book A Dose of Reality to hear more on this topic) I think it is personal responsibility to take the drugs or not. But dad gum, if your whole freakin' family is on drugs then it just seems normal.
The government wasn't meant to sustain us. There is no where in the Bible where God directs the government to take care of the poor. It is the church's responsibility. In Proverbs it does say that a king is wise to consider the station of the poor and defend them...but it isn't the governments place. That's why its not working. However, people aren't giving to the church so the church itself no longer has a store house to poor out of.
The governments place is to protect us as we live out our lives in freedom and pursuit of happiness!!
I hope that there will be a turn around for this big ship, but I'm afraid like the Titanic, a big ship and a small rudder heading straight for the proverbial ice burg. We are the Paris Hilton of nations and it will be a hard fall.
May God be with you!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Where have I been hiding and the beginning prophecy chronicles
Hello!!
I haven't had the internet at my house for a while and I haven't had time to do this at work (yea for business) and even more recently I haven't had 2 brain cells to rub together!! Truly my head has been completely shoved up my hiney..so if I have hurt your feelings, I am very sorry.
So my journey for the last 8 months has been prophecy being fulfilled in my life. I'll start at the beginning:
Feb of 2004 I was taking a weekend Bible class and we were studying where God gives Israel a new name and she would be called married. God told me that my new name would be Jordan and that Jay would always see me as a bride and never a wife and that he would always fight for me. I prayed for 3 signs and received all of them. June 30, 2004, Jay and I got married. We honeymooned at Cornerstone in Illinois and then we put on a free show in Brother Bryan Park 3 weeks later. I became pregnant with Nyah at that same time. September of 2004 my back went out completely. I was bed ridden for a week...a very long exhausting week. October 2004 I had a trip planned with our RIOT (the ministry that J and I had for punks/drug addicts/ hardcore kids/ prostitutes/and the super cool peeps that supported us by coming every week) crew to go to Deliverance Bible Church in Hurst, TX. At the conference I was laying in the back of the room because my back was still extremely wimpy and the Lord said to me, "Why would you quit having children when they are going to be powerful soldiers for me?" I said, "Because I don't want anymore." (In a whiny voice) Four months later, in Feb 2005, I went to a divine appointment. I tried one church..it was closed, the next one was like a geriatric festival, so I went to a third one. The preacher had an ok service, but nothing wonderful. After the service he laid out 2 women with arthritis and then he got a hold of the lady with the modesty covering...I was sitting in the back of the church cynically thinking, "Great...here we go..the Pentecostal hoedown." The preacher walks all the way into the back of the church, I was on the last row, and asks me my name. He asked me to come out in to the aisle and boy, he had me pegged!! He knew that I had been dreaming dreams, not a big deal right? He knew that I had been writing them down (which I had just done) and then he began to talk about my heart to reach the unchurched and he apologized on the behalf of the church for their short sightedness...it was flooring and amazing and I was weeping pretty good by this point. He then says,"I see a child...do you have children?" I said," I'm pregnant with one and I have one in the nursery," He said," You have a double dose in there. Your children are going to be very powerful for God." Total confirmation of what I had felt God say to me 4 months earlier. He then told me that I would have a physical move in the next year...he didn't know what it was, but GO, because it was set up for me. A year to the month, Feb 2006, I moved from the salon I was at in Southside to the salon in Vestavia with a burning desire to own my own salon.
In Feb 2007, the Lord told me that I would have a son before I got the shop. I told my husband and he asked if I was pregnant...I told him, "no." 3 weeks later the Lord told me to name him Hammuel and then a week later I found out that I was pregnant. Of course, so many people don't believe that the Lord speaks to people (even if the do believe in HIm and say they follow HIm...they still don't believe that He talks to people), so often times people would ask me what I was going to do if it was a girl. Well, here Hammuel is a 4 yr old super fun little dude. He was born in Nov of 2007. Back to the journey...for the next few years I just worked and watched all the insanity that was going on around me. I was hanging on the promise that God had given me.
In the spring of 2009, the Lord told me that I would get the salon in June. That June, the owner who had had the salon for many years, had to relinquish the salon to the owners of the building. I was going to get the shop!! FINALLY!! I called the landlords and told them that I was ready to get the shop. They told me that they weren't going to lease the salon because their daughter wanted to run it. I was confused and angry. I didn't understand how in the world I was going to get the salon. I knew I could take it from someone who was leasing it, but I didn't know how I was going to take it from the owners of the building. A month in to the new ownership, the Lord told me that they would never be successful enough to keep it. I had no idea how that was going to play out, but it was amazing. In Dec of 2010, I was about ready to walk away! I was so angry and so mad and felt defeated. I went to a weekend Beth Moore event and on the first night the Lord asked me," Why are you striving so hard? You're angry because you are trying to do this on your own and I'm not in it." That changed my whole attitude. I was totally free and I just continued to do my thing. In May of 2010, the owners gave us letters that said that they would be closing the salon down July 2. We had 30 days to find a new place. I talked to them about wanting to get the shop and the owners basically told me that it was never going to happen because frankly, they didn't like me very much.
The owners had no leasers and I made an offer...they took it. I signed the lease in June 2010. I took over July 1, 2011. I was going to have to find some new space because I only had that location til Dec 2011. I was trying for a while to move into Vestavia City Center...even though every time I mentioned it, I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit not to do it..I kept pressing. They refused me saying that they thought I would bring in "undesirable" clientele. I kept looking and found a beautiful space in Homewood. The Lord encouraged me to bless those who curse me...boy do I understand. Jan 2, 2012 birthed Beauty for Ashes Salon and Colorbar. My prophecy that you are reading being fulfilled in my life. It has been an amazing, frustrating, tantalizing journey.
I can't wait to see what He has planned with the rest of this journey...sneak peak...I'm anticipating the arrival of a Rebeka Calvary Jan of 2013. Stay tuned.....this story, these chronicles, are in the making!
I haven't had the internet at my house for a while and I haven't had time to do this at work (yea for business) and even more recently I haven't had 2 brain cells to rub together!! Truly my head has been completely shoved up my hiney..so if I have hurt your feelings, I am very sorry.
So my journey for the last 8 months has been prophecy being fulfilled in my life. I'll start at the beginning:
Feb of 2004 I was taking a weekend Bible class and we were studying where God gives Israel a new name and she would be called married. God told me that my new name would be Jordan and that Jay would always see me as a bride and never a wife and that he would always fight for me. I prayed for 3 signs and received all of them. June 30, 2004, Jay and I got married. We honeymooned at Cornerstone in Illinois and then we put on a free show in Brother Bryan Park 3 weeks later. I became pregnant with Nyah at that same time. September of 2004 my back went out completely. I was bed ridden for a week...a very long exhausting week. October 2004 I had a trip planned with our RIOT (the ministry that J and I had for punks/drug addicts/ hardcore kids/ prostitutes/and the super cool peeps that supported us by coming every week) crew to go to Deliverance Bible Church in Hurst, TX. At the conference I was laying in the back of the room because my back was still extremely wimpy and the Lord said to me, "Why would you quit having children when they are going to be powerful soldiers for me?" I said, "Because I don't want anymore." (In a whiny voice) Four months later, in Feb 2005, I went to a divine appointment. I tried one church..it was closed, the next one was like a geriatric festival, so I went to a third one. The preacher had an ok service, but nothing wonderful. After the service he laid out 2 women with arthritis and then he got a hold of the lady with the modesty covering...I was sitting in the back of the church cynically thinking, "Great...here we go..the Pentecostal hoedown." The preacher walks all the way into the back of the church, I was on the last row, and asks me my name. He asked me to come out in to the aisle and boy, he had me pegged!! He knew that I had been dreaming dreams, not a big deal right? He knew that I had been writing them down (which I had just done) and then he began to talk about my heart to reach the unchurched and he apologized on the behalf of the church for their short sightedness...it was flooring and amazing and I was weeping pretty good by this point. He then says,"I see a child...do you have children?" I said," I'm pregnant with one and I have one in the nursery," He said," You have a double dose in there. Your children are going to be very powerful for God." Total confirmation of what I had felt God say to me 4 months earlier. He then told me that I would have a physical move in the next year...he didn't know what it was, but GO, because it was set up for me. A year to the month, Feb 2006, I moved from the salon I was at in Southside to the salon in Vestavia with a burning desire to own my own salon.
In Feb 2007, the Lord told me that I would have a son before I got the shop. I told my husband and he asked if I was pregnant...I told him, "no." 3 weeks later the Lord told me to name him Hammuel and then a week later I found out that I was pregnant. Of course, so many people don't believe that the Lord speaks to people (even if the do believe in HIm and say they follow HIm...they still don't believe that He talks to people), so often times people would ask me what I was going to do if it was a girl. Well, here Hammuel is a 4 yr old super fun little dude. He was born in Nov of 2007. Back to the journey...for the next few years I just worked and watched all the insanity that was going on around me. I was hanging on the promise that God had given me.
In the spring of 2009, the Lord told me that I would get the salon in June. That June, the owner who had had the salon for many years, had to relinquish the salon to the owners of the building. I was going to get the shop!! FINALLY!! I called the landlords and told them that I was ready to get the shop. They told me that they weren't going to lease the salon because their daughter wanted to run it. I was confused and angry. I didn't understand how in the world I was going to get the salon. I knew I could take it from someone who was leasing it, but I didn't know how I was going to take it from the owners of the building. A month in to the new ownership, the Lord told me that they would never be successful enough to keep it. I had no idea how that was going to play out, but it was amazing. In Dec of 2010, I was about ready to walk away! I was so angry and so mad and felt defeated. I went to a weekend Beth Moore event and on the first night the Lord asked me," Why are you striving so hard? You're angry because you are trying to do this on your own and I'm not in it." That changed my whole attitude. I was totally free and I just continued to do my thing. In May of 2010, the owners gave us letters that said that they would be closing the salon down July 2. We had 30 days to find a new place. I talked to them about wanting to get the shop and the owners basically told me that it was never going to happen because frankly, they didn't like me very much.
The owners had no leasers and I made an offer...they took it. I signed the lease in June 2010. I took over July 1, 2011. I was going to have to find some new space because I only had that location til Dec 2011. I was trying for a while to move into Vestavia City Center...even though every time I mentioned it, I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit not to do it..I kept pressing. They refused me saying that they thought I would bring in "undesirable" clientele. I kept looking and found a beautiful space in Homewood. The Lord encouraged me to bless those who curse me...boy do I understand. Jan 2, 2012 birthed Beauty for Ashes Salon and Colorbar. My prophecy that you are reading being fulfilled in my life. It has been an amazing, frustrating, tantalizing journey.
I can't wait to see what He has planned with the rest of this journey...sneak peak...I'm anticipating the arrival of a Rebeka Calvary Jan of 2013. Stay tuned.....this story, these chronicles, are in the making!
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