How is it that I can be so excited and so beaten down at the same time? I am a very progressive person. I do not think anyone should be in the same place in life for more than 5 yrs...and 5 yrs is even stretching it for me. I think that change is a beautiful and necessary thing to propel us forward. The other option is a rut...and no one likes getting stuck in a rut...have you seen the wenches needed to remove an item from a rut? Pretty hardcore! Anyway, I have not been stuck in the same place for years, yet the areas where I find myself stuck, I find to be quite miserable and depressing.. Am I just expecting to much...that all areas of my life can grow...or am I truly being let down by those areas?
I learned in Alanon that I cannot change those around me. I cannot force someone to change or do what I want them to do...but how does that look when change is an absolute necessary event or the situation is going to explode into an ugly hot mess?? I guess my bigger question is why can I not feel God intervening when He is so personal with me? I want to change the things that I don't like about me, but I find a wall that I run into called self protection mechanism. I protect against the inevitable...and that is...that I cannot change those around me. I find it very violating to have enemies in my inner camp that I cannot change or protect myself without venomous evil ensuing. GOD HELP ME!!
With so much growth and excitement on the horizon, I plea for a changing dawn, a new day for my days. A new twist in an old tale. I like that some things are constant, but change in a constant is refreshing!! So, I will continue to pursue change as my intimate friend, and will have to embrace that with change comes tears of joy, pleasure, devastation and sadness.
Onward Christian soldier!
No comments:
Post a Comment